I Hate THAT Feeling

You know the feeling. That you trusted him, gave some of yourself to him, thought he was a certain way and appreciated him for that, then a slap in the face. You were wrong......

Even the master receives a swift kick to the heart sometimes.

When you know you're never going to hear from him again.

Maybe he initiated the end maybe I did (for the record, it was me this time). Either way I know it's over.

I delete his phone number, PIN, email address all messages and emails.... Any remnant that I may innocently stumble upon.

Even if it wasn't that long of an interaction (I hate using the word relationship in any form) that first day that I realize I'm never going to hear from him again.... Hurts like hell. I can't think about anything else, wish I could sleep and crave fatty foods. Fuck my life.

I lie in my bed, the scent of lavender prominently wafting from my body... My lame attempt at relaxing myself. And every time I look down at my body I think of him.

The fact that I have a fresh mani/pedi that he's not here to appreciate, my sexy little boxers that he's not here to appreciate, my wife beater with no bra that he's not here to appreciate.

I just cry.

And depending on how long the interaction was, my heartbroken symptoms last from 2 days to a month.

All the while thinking "I was just fine and why did it have to end like THIS?"

It fucking sucks. I hate it.

Yet, when it's over.... I throw myself back into the dating pool. Try my best to remain un-jaded and start the whole damn process over again.