Girl Talk -- Post Walk of Shame

ME: Haaaaay! Heard ya come in THIS morning. How'd it go?

ROOMMATE: Mmmmm it's not what you think.

ME: Uhhh I'm confused, ya look all tousled and you came home at 7:00 am.

ROOMMATE: Things often are not as they appear my dear.

ME: (plopping down on her bed and stretching out) shit... what happened?

ROOMMATE: Well, we went to dinner, then he took me to a cupcake shop, he had to run actually to their door, they were about to close it was really romantic (sighs)

ME: K; but, then what happened?

ROOMMATE: We got back to his place, had some wine, things were cool.

ME: Ya and?

ROOMMATE: Well, we finally did it.

ME: K, I feel like this is worse than just a "he was horrible" type problem....

ROOMMATE: Yea it is.

ME: You're killing me!!!

ROOMMATE: I had to spoon him after sex.

ME: Huh?

ROOMMATE: He went to the bathroom to throw away the condom and I was lying in his bed on my side...

ME: K

ROOMMATE: He got into the bed on his side and backed into me in the fetal position.

ME: So YOU spooned him after sex

ROOMMATE: Uh huh

ME: OMG

ROOMMATE: I know... I think I'm going to throw up

ME: You should and then you text message him and tell him you want to date someone who wants a girlfriend not a Mommy.

ROOMMATE: You're so mean...

ME: Well, do you want a 38 year old son? Doesn't even make any sense, you're 26, he's disgusting, get rid of him.